If there’s one thing Donald Trump loves more than gold-plated everything, it’s signing executive orders with all the ceremony of a king decreeing that the peasants shall dance for his amusement. Since retaking office in 2025, Trump has unleashed a barrage of executive orders—many legally dubious, others utterly pointless, and some just flat-out bizarre.
Let’s break down the most ridiculous ones and marvel at the sheer waste of ink.
The Legally Dubious: Because Who Needs Laws?
Declaring an “Energy Emergency” (EO 14156)
Trump waved his tiny hands and declared an “energy emergency” to fast-track fossil fuel projects. The problem? There is no actual energy emergency, unless you count Big Oil CEOs not being able to afford a third yacht. Expect lawsuits.
Cartels Are Now Terrorists! (EO 14157)
Trump decided he can unilaterally designate drug cartels as “foreign terrorist organizations,” a legal power that actually belongs to Congress. If history is any guide, this will accomplish absolutely nothing except getting more lawyers paid.
Pausing Enforcement of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act
Because nothing screams “drain the swamp” like pausing anti-bribery enforcement! Trump basically told American companies, “Go ahead and bribe foreign officials—we won’t look!” The Constitution, which requires the president to “faithfully execute the laws,” might have something to say about this.
Restoring Confederate Monuments
Trump apparently wants to relive the glory days of the Confederacy by ordering a review of statues removed after George Floyd’s murder. Never mind that the federal government has no control over local monuments—this is pure red-meat pandering.
Withdrawing from the WHO (Again)
Trump wants to yank the U.S. out of the World Health Organization, as if that went well last time. Besides being wildly irresponsible during global health crises, withdrawal requires congressional approval and takes a year—meaning this is likely another empty gesture.
The Pointless: Because Why Not Waste Everyone’s Time?
A Hiring Freeze That Won’t Save a Dime
Trump reinstated a federal hiring freeze, because in his world, fewer government workers magically means better government. In reality, this just forces agencies to hire more expensive contractors. Genius.
Banning Paper Straws (EO 14208)
Yes, in the midst of inflation, global conflict, and actual governance challenges, Trump took time to ban paper straws in federal buildings. Because nothing says “policy genius” like making sure the government’s plastic straw game is on point.
Declaring English the “Official Language” (EO 14224)
English is already the language of government, but sure, let’s pretend this changes something. This is classic Trump: grandstanding about a non-issue to make his base cheer for something that was already true.
Eliminating Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Programs
He went all in on his culture war obsessions by trying to kill DEI programs in the federal government. While this might succeed at a bureaucratic level, DEI is alive and well in corporate America, meaning this move is mostly symbolic whining.
Faith Office Redux
Trump created a “Faith Office” to advise on government policies, a gimmick every Republican president trots out. Historically, these offices accomplish about as much as a wet paper bag.
The Just Plain Stupid
The 10-for-1 Deregulation Rule
Trump decreed that for every new regulation, ten must be repealed. If this sounds familiar, it’s because he tried it before, and it didn’t work. You can’t just repeal regulations like they’re fast food coupons—there’s a process.
Trade Wars, Round 2 (EO 14220)
Trump slapped tariffs on copper, timber, and other imports, claiming it’s about “national security.” If this follows the pattern of his last tariff binge, it’ll mostly mean price hikes for American consumers. But hey, who needs economic stability?
Smithsonian Purge (EO 14227)
Apparently, the Smithsonian is too woke for Trump, so he’s ordered a review of exhibits. This is peak authoritarian pettiness: a 78-year-old man throwing a tantrum because museums won’t rewrite history to flatter him.
Final Thoughts: Governing by Temper Tantrum
If you thought Trump would learn anything from his disastrous first term, think again. His 2025 executive orders are a mix of legally questionable stunts, culture war nonsense, and performative bluster designed to feed his base while doing absolutely nothing of substance.
The only real winners here? Lawyers, who are about to make a fortune challenging this mess in court. The losers? Pretty much everyone else.
